A Teacher's Doubts: My Experience Setting Up an LGBT Club in a Changing World
It's not often a teacher finds themselves questioning a decision they made with the best intentions. Yet, as I reflect on my experience establishing and running an LGBT club at the school where I taught, that's precisely where I find myself.
For obvious reasons, the identities of the school and the children I worked with must remain confidential. My motivation for writing this is to share my personal journey, particularly as a teacher navigating the complexities of supporting gender-dysphoric teenagers.
The Teacher's Predicament: Beyond the Curriculum
When I describe myself as "same-sex attracted" rather than "gay," it's to be more precise about a significant aspect of my identity.
However, I believe that many educators, myself included, often feel out of their depth when it comes to supporting students with mental health challenges, and this is especially true in the nuanced area of LGBTQ+ issues.
Our primary role as teachers is, and should remain, imparting knowledge in our respective subjects - be it history, art, or physics.
We are not trained counselors, yet inevitably, we encounter teenagers grappling with their mental well-being. Given that most of us entered teaching out of a genuine affection for young people, it can be challenging to witness their struggles without adequate training, especially when professional help is often months or even years away.
This is the reality in which schools currently operate, and it's the backdrop against which the establishment of an LGBT club must be considered.
I suspect many teachers facilitating these groups share my background - growing up as non-gender-conforming, same-sex attracted individuals in the 1970s and 1980s. Our desire to create these spaces likely stems from a place of empathy, a wish to shield current students from the difficulties we faced.
A Shift in Perspective: The Influence of the Digital Age
However, I've come to believe that my initial understanding of what these teenagers needed was a miscalculation.
I now strongly suspect that, like many teachers, I had a limited grasp of the influence social media influencers and peer culture have on the path gender-dysphoric children are now embarking upon.
My intention was to help. But in reality, I was projecting my own experiences of being a bullied, same-sex attracted teenager from the early 1980s onto a generation living in a vastly different world.
The pressures today are immense. We are all bombarded with idealized images of hyper-muscular men and hyper-sexualized women. For same-sex attracted individuals, who may already feel outside societal norms, these pressures are amplified. If adults struggle with this, imagine the impact on children navigating the turbulent waters of puberty and nascent sexual desire.
Today's teenagers are often told that to be their authentic selves, they must identify a specific label that encapsulates their feelings and then alter their bodies to align with it.
For any individual, let alone a vulnerable teenager, this can be an overwhelming and potentially dangerous undertaking.
My own youthful experience was one of isolation. I was a miserable teenager, but largely alone in my misery. Fast forward to the late 2010s, and the landscape had transformed dramatically.
Two key trends appear to be contributing to the rise in children identifying as transgender:
- Constant Digital Connection: Children are now perpetually tethered to their phones, engaged in continuous dialogue with peers through a myriad of social media platforms.
Parents often have limited visibility into the content their children are exposed to - from easily accessible pornography and unattainable body standards to sexualized music and the relentless scrutiny of their peers. In essence, a child alone in their room is often connected to a world of strangers online.
- The Rise of Gender Identity Theory: The notion that personal feelings about identity supersede biological reality has, without many of us even noticing, become the dominant narrative.
Gender dysphoria is a recognized condition. However, it's only recently that I've begun to grasp the profound implications of encouraging a child to choose their gender identity, particularly within the school environment.
The Club's Genesis: From Bullying to Gender Exploration
My well-intentioned desire to protect same-sex attracted, gender non-conforming students from the pain I'd experienced collided with an unregulated online social sphere that many of my students inhabited unknowingly.
I've never participated in Pride parades and have little interest in "rainbow politics." I haven't felt marginalized for a long time, and for that, I am grateful.
The idea for an LGBT club arose when several students confided in me about being bullied for their sexuality, leading to self-harm.
We felt a dedicated group could provide a safe haven. I also discussed the idea with the parents of one of the girls struggling with self-harm, and they were supportive.
From the outset, a significant challenge emerged: the students were already deeply immersed in LGBTQ+ politics and activism, and they expected the club's activities to reflect this.
They wanted to discuss protests and marches, but I felt it inappropriate to politicize them, even though, in retrospect, the very existence of an LGBT club is a political statement. Furthermore, the students clearly possessed more knowledge on these matters than I did.
Observing the Shift: A Teacher's Growing Concerns
I witnessed firsthand the rapid identity shifts among some students.
I recall a 13-year-old girl who initially cut her hair to appear more masculine. Within a month, she declared herself a boy, changing her name multiple times. Her identity fluctuated, and she continued to self-harm, often arriving at school with bandaged arms.
Two effeminate boys, one of whom suffered from severe anorexia, also began identifying as girls and adopting feminine attire.
Many teenagers seemed less affected by mental distress and appeared to find the process of selecting a new identity label somewhat entertaining.
They spoke of it as if they were part of an exclusive club. I also observed specific behavioral traits among the older, trans-identifying girls. They attended the club sessions, often sitting with a defiant air, whispering amongst themselves. When I suggested their attitude was counterproductive, they merely scowled more intensely.
They openly discussed their aspirations to undergo hormone therapy at the Tavistock clinic and expressed frustration at the waiting times.
This information inevitably filtered down to younger students. I found myself needing to interpret the aggressive and often rude behavior of these gender-dysphoric teenagers for baffled school staff.
My primary concern remained ensuring these students, regardless of their gender identity, stopped harming themselves. If using different pronouns facilitated this, I reasoned, then why not?
Throughout this period, I maintained open communication with the school's safeguarding officer and the parents of the students whose identities were in flux.
We all agreed that if it helped them cease self-harm, it was a necessary measure. The school's policy of requiring parental authorization for pronoun changes seemed sensible, but it faltered when identities and names began to shift almost weekly.
My concerns were multifaceted:
- Sudden Onset: Prior to entering secondary school, none of these students had exhibited any signs of gender confusion to their parents or the school.
The safeguarding officer and parents confirmed a relatively sudden shift had occurred, with no prior history of gender dysphoria.
- Unstable Identities: None of the students had a clear vision of what transitioning entailed, and their new identities remained unstable throughout my observations.
- Underlying Vulnerabilities: I noted a correlation between gender identity shifts and students from abusive or chaotic family environments, characterized by parental alcoholism, neglect, or violence.
Others displayed clear signs of mental disturbance beyond self-harm or were diagnosed with neurodevelopmental conditions like ADHD or autism.
- Social Media's Impact: A significant factor for some students was the struggle to conform to the hyper-sexualized body standards amplified through social media, which were constantly streamed directly to their phones.
While issues like challenging family backgrounds, social hierarchies based on appearance, and adolescent struggles have always existed, the current intensity and pervasiveness of social media appear to be exacerbating these pressures.
An Unwelcome Influence: The LGBT Group's Intervention
A crucial element in understanding this complex situation was the intervention of an external LGBT group invited to speak with the students.
I admit I was naive when I initiated the club and sought external guidance, particularly on gender identity issues.
What I witnessed during their visit was deeply unsettling. A representative of the group questioned the school's affirmation of the students, inquired about the use of preferred pronouns, and asked if the students felt their parents were supportive.
This individual was aggressive and seemed to actively encourage similar sentiments in the children. Naturally, the students, being children, relished the opportunity to criticize the school and their parents. Because the presenter was accompanied by a DBS-checked teacher, they were effectively exempt from standard scrutiny.
Following these reports, the school implemented swift and serious follow-up measures.
When phones were switched off during school hours, incidents of bullying diminished.
In retrospect, the most effective approach would have been to enforce consequences for all forms of bullying and to consistently emphasize that every individual, regardless of sexuality, gender, race, or creed, deserves respect within the school community.
A Lingering Question: The Impact on Developing Minds
Over the 18 months I supported this group, I observed dozens of teenagers exploring various sexual and gender identities.
For many, it seemed like a game. Some found it beneficial, while others experienced increased isolation and anxiety. Without intending to, I was contributing to their confusion about their bodies, inadvertently reinforcing the pervasive social media narrative that suggests altering one's body through hormones or surgery is a solution for mental distress.
While such decisions might be considered for gender-dysphoric adults who have had time for careful reflection, it seems profoundly misguided for vulnerable children and teenagers.
It is difficult to fathom how any teacher or adult, in their right mind, would knowingly encourage a child to believe that surgery or medication is necessary to improve their self-perception.
Today, my thoughts often return to the girl whose ever-changing identities and names I accepted without question.
I can only pray that the adults in her life offered clearer guidance sooner than I did, before she felt compelled to alter her physical appearance.